This is my life now.

I'm panning around the room. Virtually nothing is mine. What have I done? I've moved my entire life into a storage unit on McClintock and am now living amongst someone elses stuff. A wave of self-doubt runs deep into my core. Did I do this right? Is there a wrong way to move your life? What if this wasn't the plan? It feels so...permanent.

Plagued with lingering questions in my mind, I began to breath. For the first time I just sat in the middle of the room and took it all in. This is my life now. It's filled with last minute flights, packing...and re-packing...and unpacking, and travel sized toothpaste. The last was my favorite part. How could something so small bring me such joy? It's incredible really.

For the first time in weeks I'm beginning to feel normal again; like I can fit here. There is a place for me here. Like a frayed and lost puzzle piece, come home to the bigger picture to which it belongs.

I'm sill amongst the stuff, the stuff that isn't my own, but it's all beginning to make sense.

35W

As we drove south on 35W, which we discovered fairly late in the game that South was the opposite way from where we were trying to go, I realized how great my life had become. Jamin and Mary chatted in the back seat while Liz and I tried desperately to navigate the trecherous highways and byways of the Twin Cities. "Take 35W North...wait, why is there a W after the name?" I questioned the map, as if it would answer me back with a quippy response. "I have no idea," Liz answers back, hearing my mumble to myself. "This is just stupid. I have a feeling we are supposed to be going north, not south." I was stating the obvious.

The laminated map, picked up at McStop in Bloomington, was turning into our salvation. The lady at the venue had given us horrible directions, making it nearly impossible to find anything resembling a concert venue.

After two hours on 35W, we made it. The time was spent bonding over frustration, laughter, and McStop jokes.

How is my life this good!!?? I get paid to hang out with awesome people.

Who's in YOUR Funky Bunch?

A product of too much coffee, not enough sleep, 10 hours in a car, 3 lectures on the theory of sex, one lunch at BJ's, and 1 Relevant Podcast...the Funky Bunch is born:

The Funny Man: Steve Carell

The Thug: Mr. T

The Assistant Thug: Alec Baldwin

The Entertainer: Gob Bluth

The Whit: John Cusack

The Eccentric: Andy Warhol

The Socially Conscious Musician: Jon Foreman

The Rock-n-Roll: Kristin May of Vedera...not only is she a phenomenal singer, she rocks it harder than Axel rose on Crack

The Bank Roller (doubles as the Face AND reacher of things which are high): J.J. Reddick of the Magic

The Teen Heart Throb: Joey McIntyre

Places, people, and smells

Call it a self-inflicted obsession. Call it a passion driven hobby. Call it what you will. My bike and I will call it good.

It was sunny. The breeze was the kind that makes you want to hug your neighbor or buy an ice cream cone. The day was perfect. The smells of spring were all around. Citrus blossoms from the neighbors yard. Grilled meat from the family down the street. I imagine a family gathered around the grill. The small boy with his mouth watering, impatiently bouncing at his fathers feet. The little girl with sweet curls and a plate in her hand, anxiously awaiting her fathers first fruits. The mother, happily preparing for the feast to come.

The road was under my feet. I could imagine no other place I'd rather be.

Surrender

Church last night was exactly what God wanted me to hear. So much so that it scared me. I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I knew it was without a doubt the Lord speaking to my heart. Sometimes our roots have to be broken for us so we can be used in bigger and better ways.

Surrender:
1 a : to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand
b : to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another
2 a : to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner
b : to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)
intransitive verb : to give oneself up into the power of another : YIELD


Second Mile Message from last night:
http://www.secondmi.org/living-out-our-c

ESPN can have my babies...

I can't tell you how much I LOVE March Madness!!! I'm crossing my fingers that my bracket holds up in the office pool. So far so good!!

Roof conversations

As I sat on the roof talking with my dear friend, I thought to myself, "I'm really going to miss this place." My heart was heavy for a brief moment. I would miss this city. It has been so good to me. Like a warm blanket on a cold night or a mothers hug after you fall and scrap your knee. It had comforted me, shielded me, and stolen my heart.

I finally took my own advice. I leaped. I told Laura once that God can't move a stalled car. He can, however, direct it once it's in motion. It's in motion. Now what?

Never...

I've never been asked out on a date. I'm 25, and I've never been asked out on an official I'll pick you up at 7, wear something nice, it's a surprise where we're going kind of date. How have I lived this long and settled for anything less? When did relationships get so complicated? When did the term "hanging out" suddenly become code for "we're interested"? I "hang out" with people all the time, but that doesn't mean I want to kiss them...most of the time anyway.

Now, I know asking a girl out is scary sometimes, but how else are we supposed to know you like us? Are we to suppose that every nice thing you do indicates interest? Are we really going to take a trip down memory lane and expect you to pull hair and throw rocks at us like the snot nosed, plaid shorts clad 10-year-old kid in my 4th grade class? Here's a revelation, it didn't work then and it doesn't work now. Try something new. Grow some jo-jo's. Just because you ask a girl on a date does not mean you're going to get married and have 10 kids. You'd be surprised how ladies will respond if you act your age and just ask her out already.

In between

I enjoy my life so much that sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure it's really happening. For a brief moment I had forgotten how great it was-'lost perspective' is the term I'm using to describe this brief moment in history. I had forgotten how precious those little moments were in my life. The ones that you usually forget because they're wedged in between weddings, funerals, break-ups, hook-ups, and any other event deemed emotionally taxing. They are the long talks over cubanos and brownies, random dance parties, aweful karaoke singing, saki bombers with no shot glasses as 2am, sleeping in, dancing to Brand New in your underwear in the middle of the day, mike-n-ikes at the movies, and searching for that one great pillow in the pile of otherwise hideous ones (seriously people...some of you have horrible taste).

These moments are the ones that remind me how sweet life is. When everything in the world seems big and overwhelming, I remember these moments. They're the ones that make life count. They're the ones that make my heart sing.

Excuse me mister...would you sign my...

I want to go in all directions symultaniously. I have no idea what to do with myself. I feel like I'm holding my breath, waiting for something to happen. The world is still spinning and I'm not sure if I like it or not. I think I like the expectation of it all. The girl in my longs for the firsts. I haven't longed in quite some time. I think I like it.

We should just hire paparazzi

This is Maddi and I enjoying the ups and downs of UA Basketball. This is what we're refering to as the "You call that a foul ref?!!" shot. We should just hire paparazzi.

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mewithoutyou

I need pop-punk and I need it now. I need a stiff drink. I need the beach, my bike, and the smell of the sea to fill my lungs and whip through my hair. I need a 4 hour nap and a late night picnic. I need something uncomplicated.

Firsts

I miss firsts. The first glance. The first time your eyes meet and you feel your heart jump into your throat like popcorn on a stove. You want to hold the glance forever, but it only lasts a moment. The first time you kiss and you can feel it in your toes. Your heart races and you can't help but wonder what you'll see if you open your eyes. The first time you see him from across the room and realize you feel safe.

I miss those firsts.

What happened to romance? What happened to persuit? Women deserve to be woed. We deserve to be cherished, loved and taken care of. We deserve to be fought for. We are prizes to be won. And, here is a novel concept men, we will respect you, love you, and respond to you when this happens. God designed it that way. He made us to be counterparts, like puzzle pieces. We are delicate and vulnerable...and by that I mean crazy, sometimes overly emotional, hyper-sensative beings. Men, please understand. We need you to be non-crazy for us. We need you to take care of us sometimes (feminists I don't want to hear it...deep down you know it's true). Sometimes we need you to fight the battles for us, to take charge and make things happen. Sometimes we need someone to pick up the slack. In a world where women can do anything a man can do, which is a total crock by the way, it comes down to this-we need you to rescue us...is there really harm in admitting it?

And for that matter, where have all the men gone. I say down with the metro-sexual. Men should have beards, and drink beer with the guys while watching basketball, and fix their cars on Saturday afternoon (unless they are otherwise woeing aformentioned women). Now I am NOT, I repeat not advocating men who do nothing but watch sports and drink. There is balance in all things fellas. What I am saying is when was it NOT ok for a guy to be a guy? Since when do they need to spend more time on their hair than us ladies do? Who decided that was attractive? I can understand and appreciate a man who is well-groomed and well-dressed. Every now and again a black dress shirt with a red tie is just necessary to the common good...and easy on the eyes (not gonna lie). Sometimes there is need for a great haircut and a shower. But there is something to be said about a man with grease on his shirt and a little sweat on the brow. When there is rescuing to be done, men may need to work up a bit of a sweat.

This was my argument at lunch today...being that I'm the only single one left in the office. I can still hope, dream, and romanticize about what's to come...more firsts, lots of seconds, and God-willing a TON of thirds:)

Waiting with expectation...

Heros and such

Ben Andersen you are my hero! You have saved my ears from bordom. The Brand New Brand New is so delicious I think I might marry it and have it's babies. I'm having trouble getting over it...it's that good. The end.

The blinking...

light on my voicemail screams 'check me...paaalease', yet I do not. I refuse actually. It is 10:46am on Friday, and I will be leaving in 14 minutes. What awaits me is laundry, packing for camp, and shopping for tights.

I realized some things in the last few days. I shall recall them now and make a list of said realizations.

1. Joe Atkinson is the Mini-golf master.
2. Mary needs to move back to Tucson. Food for the Hungry can't have her.
3. I adore gmail chat.
4. I'm excited for thanksgiving for a number of reasons

subreasons:
1.) Who doesn't want to hang out with the Atkinsons and the Grahams for turkey lovin' fun?
2.) Turkey Bowl!
3.) UA football.
4.) I get to see James attempt to stuff a turkey with a roast beef sandwich.
5.) It's a holiday celebrating how thankful we are to have food. FOOD!
6.) Stacey's coming home from Portland...she'll inevitably make me want to move there more than I already do.
7.) No work Friday. Woot!
8.) The fact that Friday will most likely be spent at the movies with Jessica.
9.) Catherine's Mom's stuffing...hello can you say delic.
10.) Being able to sleep ALL weekend.

5. 'Scootering for better health' needs to be made into a shirt.
6. I'm sooo excited about what God is doing in my life. I can't wait to see what happens in the next few months. It fills me heart with glee. Details to follow.

the end...for now.

[...] kind of day

Today is a Mewithoutyou kind of day. Yesterday was a Postal Service kind of day. That's just how it works out I guess.

My nose was cold this morning, which indicated the first signs of winter. I got excited at first, until I remembered that I dislike it greatly when my nose gets cold. It happens quite frequently in the winter as I have my fathers nose, which means it's not what you would call tiny. It's not huge, yet not petite, so it sticks out farther and gets cold more easily. I've come to accept and appreciate my nose.

Bullet to Binary is playing in the background. I'm bittersweet about it because I love watching Aaron Wiese sing, but know that I can't go to the show on Monday because number 1, it's in Phoenix, and number 2, I have Younglife. Jesus brings a ray of sunshine to my life, so I can't complain about having other more important things to do with my time on Monday. I just wish the show weren't on Monday...in Phoenix. My violin in playing I know...

I cannot get over Vedera. They soothe my soul. I can't explain it. I just keep listening to them over and over and over again.

I've come to realize I don't spend enough quality time with my friends, and I miss them. A half hour for coffee every other week just isn't cutting it for me. I need relationship. I need conversation. I need roadtrips and midnight picnics. I need contagious laughter and twinkies. I need pizza and beer. I need cheesy kareoke songs and 2am burrito runs. Now replace need with want. I'm too busy. This must change...sooner rather than later.

This is my day

It's now 5:52pm and I just realized that I've lost my keys somewhere at work...oh wait, they're in a grocery bag in the freezer, which is also filled with 20lbs of hash browns. Welcome to my life.

Fried meat is amazing

Mary is that girl that inspires you to do things. Not by her words, but by her actions. She's this incredibly humble, smart, quarky, beautiful vision of what people should be. I've never met someone who has such a heart for missions and for little African babies. She and I have been in conversation about little African babies for some time now.

We want to go to Africa. Think about coming with us. Pray about it friends.

http://fh.org/build_a_team

Sparkle in your eye

Change is in the air. I can feel it.