Blue Like Jazz

Praise the Lord! My copy of Blue Like Jazz has returned to me...and there was much rejoicing in the land.

What makes us happy?

I'm going to be honest when I say I haven't been restless the past year. My heart wanted to go in a million directions, none of which were where God wanted me to be. The feeling that something was missing loomed in my heart, not to be shaken by boyfriends or new jobs.

Learning to love God with your whole heart is hard, because it means giving up yourself-your hopes, your dreams, and ultimately your desires. Leaving yourself behind for the sake of the creator is a scary scary thing. Our flesh wants to hold on to what we think our hearts want. What we ultimately want is to be happy. I pose the question then, what makes us happy?

Giving up your desires is hard, but once we surrender-not submit-but trully surrend our lives to God, our desires become God's desires. We haven't lost our desires as much as gained the desires of God-the things God wants most for our lives. Fulfilling Gods desires for our lives can only bring one thing-happiness-and happiness and contentment go hand in hand.

I have never been more content with where I am in this life. God has trully blessed me with a peace beyond understanding. All I had to do was let go.

where did all my channels go

It is sad that my world has been turned upside down by the shift in cable channels. The company decided to regroup the channels for "better convenience" to the customer-my booty better convenience. Channel 19, Discovery, is not up in the 50's. Channel 40, the beloved MTV, now resides in the 50s as well with AMC and Spike. I cannot fathom who thought of such a ludacriss system for channel organization. It makes no logical sense to me. Everything used to be right with the world and now it's all gone amuck. AMUCK I tell you!

I am old

Dear Heavens. The Teddy Ruxpin is coming back. I am old.

R.I.P.

Mr. Fish died today. I got home and his head was hidden in the pebbles at the bottom of his tank, like he couldn't bare to live anymore so he just put his head down and gave up. It was all I had not to cry when I saw his lifeless eyes peering out from the sides of his once spunky body. His fins were motionless when I tapped on the tank to greet him. His color, once brilliant red, now faded to a dull pink.

I sang him a hymn before I flushed him down the toilet. Time of death, sometime between 5:30 and 8:43, when I found him limp and cowering between his pebbles. The worst part was Catherine wasn't here. I had to email her the news, which strikes me as odd and impersonal. I wish there was a better way, but she had to know.

I'm mourning alone. Rest in Peace dear sweet Mr. Fish. You will be missed.

Chicken Fried Lice...I mean Rice

The apartment stunk like chicken fried rice. The bottom of the wok had grabbed the chicken like a mom would grab her kid from in front of a moving bus and she had forgotten to grab frozen carrots from the Basha's across the street.

She was exhausted. A full week of camp, including mud wrestling, pool antics and long nights, which culminated in a 5 hour bus ride home, had left her without the capability to communicate or function normally.

Camp was followed by a turn-around trip to Phoenix with one of two future roommates Ani. Ani had to pick up her black lab from her mom's house after an 8 hour workday and a week at camp. She too had worked all day and had dreaded the late night drive home after Ani's mom forced them to go to dinner before they left.

Her life was filled with a suitcase of dirty clothes, 8 nights of sleep deprivation, and overcooked chicken.

"Ugh," she thought, "I just want to sleep for a week." If only it were that easy...